Breaking guilt and shame

“I had given up on thinking I’d ever have a positive sexual experience. Being 36 years old and having never had an orgasm, I thought that I just had to resign to the fact that I would live like that for the rest of my life…”

The main goal of tantric practice involving sexual energy is reaching a state of super consciousness, pure awareness and liberation from the influence of karma. It is the same for both genders, yet the path leading to it is different for men and for women. We are living in a culture which is favours primitive, reactive male sexuality and doesn’t give much space for women to explore their sexuality and to be open about it.

Men in tantra start from learning how to control their primitive sexual instinct, to be able to transmute that energy. Women start their path from removing false beliefs about their sexuality. They need to face guilt and shame which has prevented generations of women from exploring their true sexual nature.

In tantra we have a name for a person who is stepping onto the path of tantra. This word is – vira, which means hero. The one who shows great courage to step out from the crowd mentally, ready to find out their own truth. A hero – because you need lots of courage to do that, to face that which society, religion or family was thought you throughout the years.

Below is a testimonial, which I received from one of my clients. We meet in September. We spoke a lot about sexuality. I thought her hatha yoga routine and she decided to book a Tantric Yoni Massage session with me. As I read the testimonial I felt goosebumps. It is a beautiful example of a vira attitude. I hope that her story will inspire you too. This is it:


“I had given up on thinking I’d ever have a positive sexual experience. Being 36 years old and having never had an orgasm, I thought that I just had to resign to the fact that I would live like that for the rest of my life. Sex and talking about sex has always been taboo for me. Since a small child I was taught that sex was something that was not meant to be pleasurable and enjoyable. It was shameful to think in that way. As a child I could never watch sex scenes on TV or in the movies in front of my family and it was a very uncomfortable moment, almost unbearable. Touching myself, or masturbating was completely out of the question as a teenager! I taught myself to loath it! As I grew older, and due mostly to social pressures and to seem like everyone else, I started having sex around 18 and it became quite common for me to associate liking someone to having sex with them. I had quite a few boyfriends and sex was a way to show that I cared for them. But it was always about the other, about pleasing and making the other enjoy it. My needs were secondary and of course, I would never orgasm, so it was purely to make someone else happy. I didn’t enjoy it and many times I pretended to like it, just to please them. It’s a very lonely path to walk on, when you feel so disconnected to your sexuality and that you are so ashamed of never having had an orgasm, that you feel like the last human being on Earth or worse, that you are somehow broken. I knew that it was not right but felt powerless to do anything or change anything about my situation. Then, about a month ago I met Skanda. It was a chance encounter and I am very happy that our paths crossed. Skanda made me feel safe about speaking about my sexual experiences and he taught me to see how sex and having a positive relationship with sex and with my sexuality was so central in everything. I always saw sex as something alien and far away. I didn’t see it as something that can help me like myself more, care for myself more and above all, give me a sense of power and happiness. I did my first Yoni massage with Skanda and it was a transformative experience. I cried during and after it. I felt quite sick for a couple of days as it was so intense. There was so much repressed feelings that needed to come out. I had never felt my body in such a deep and meaningful way. I finally found that I wasn’t broken and that there wasn’t anything wrong with me. I am normal and that having good sex and feeling good about my sexuality really only depended on me. I am now in control. I do what feels good to me. What feels right. I don’t just have sex. I have an experience with myself. I feel happy, in control and love my body. I will only have sex if I want and feel like it. No more pressure. I want to have meaningful experiences and not just unconscious ones. I know so many women feel like me and I can relate. It is very sad that we have been allowed to think that we are destined to stay in the same sexual situation for the rest of our lives. We are not and we can all discover this sense of liberation and feel that we are deserving of being loved by ourselves and our partners.

I’d like to thank Skanda for opening the way for me. He has been the guiding light at the end of the tunnel. The hope that I had lost. THANK YOU! For all of you out there, don’t lose faith. Talk to him. He can really help!”


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